I woke up this morning expecting bad news. I don't know why, but I felt like something horrible had happened. Its weird because yesterday evening I had a crying fit for no reason. You know, the kind where snot trickles down and your eyes get puffy and red. No an attractive look, I'm sure. I can't tell you when the last time I cried was. So it was an unusual thing for me. I have no idea why I was crying. It made no sense. And to wake up today feeling like everything was wrong with the world; again it made no sense.
Shortly before 9am it made sense. I wish it hadn't. I got a phone call that someone near and dear to me in my family tried to kill themselves.
Over the past month I have been busy collecting blog entries and pictures from my old blog so I could take the posts discuss this person and turning them into a book for her. I chronicled five or six years of her growing up on that blog. Funny things she said or did, vacations, fun times. Looking back over the pictures I can see genuine joy in her face. When did that change? When did she lose her happiness? Why did she lose her joy?
I was reminded later this morning that her grandfather (on her mothers side of the family, not ours) had committed suicide a few years ago. I was also reminded that he tried to kill himself two times before he was successful. This was the second time (in five months) that my angel has tried to kill herself. In December she drank two cups of bleach, She was in the hospital for two weeks. I fear that if there's a third time she'll end up like her grandfather. It breaks my heart.
She is only twelve. She turns thirteen in a few weeks. If she is going through such severe teenage angst this early, what's it going to be like by the time she turns fifteen? At this rate I fear she won't even make it to fourteen, much less fifteen.
Her parents are idiots. Even the one directly related to me. Her father whines to me today about what the hospital bill will be. He should be grateful she's alive and that he has a second chance with her. Her mother is too busy being pissed off at the girls father (they aren't married) and blaming everything on him. And the father is too busy being pissed off at the girls mother and blaming her.
I am pissed off at both of them for not taking proper care of this exceptional gift God gave them almost thirteen years ago. They are both at fault. They have spent the last thirteen years blaming each other and can't or won't see that the only one getting hurt is their daughter.
My neighbor has a Jack Russell Terrier that keeps getting off the leash and running away. He runs down a major road, dodging cars. He won't come when you call him. He thinks its a fun game to run from you. It always takes one to three hours to get him back. My neighbor always gets hysterical when he gets away from her and runs off. I have to often remind her that God looks after small dogs and that he will be fine. I just hope that God looks after young girls too.